Posts Tagged With: the happiness patrol

Have I Got Whos For You (Brexit Edition)

You will notice – or at least you will when it subsequently doesn’t show up – that there is no God Is In The Detail post this week. To be honest I thought it best if I leave this one; it seems disrespectful.

Let’s talk about something else, shall we? We’ve got a stack of episode 5 and 6 memes coming your way soon, but they can wait a bit. We’re getting behind in our coverage of current events; for example, 5th November came and went.

So, for that matter, did National Sandwich Day.

In music, news emerges of the other Spice Girls reunion.

And there’s conspiracy and intrigue over at the BBC when a certain entertainment journalist meets a sticky end.

All of which brings us neatly up to today, when Theresa May unveiled her new Brexit secretary.

Ah, the Brexit secretary. The only significant Civil Service role where the occupants last less time than the Chelsea manager. I have watched today’s events with an unhealthy mixture of amusement and alarm. How did we end up here, with this dog’s breakfast? What was the point at which people lost their minds? Perhaps my spectacles are rose-tinted but I’m sure – in fact I’d stake my reputation on it – that there was a time we were sensible about these things. There was a bit of politeness. We listened to each other, or at least we were sufficiently reserved to give the outward appearance of listening, rather than simply waiting for the other person to finish so we could say our bit.

My grasp of the situation is somewhat limited, but from what I understand, a year or two ago somebody made a controversial decision to shake up a system that a number of people – a large number, or a small-but vocal number, depending on who you talk to – didn’t seem to like very much. There are all sorts of reasons why this might have happened, but the fallout was anger and division and an awful lot of arguing, and now the woman who’s acting as figurehead is getting heaps of abuse even though most of the problem has nothing to do with her.

Some are saying we should have done this years ago: others are saying it’s a bad idea full stop. And there are a few people saying “Told you so” in response to a much larger group of people who are complaining that while they wanted change, they really didn’t expect it to be quite like this.

So that’s where we are, in a nutshell. I think I might go and watch some Doctor Who now, to take my mind off things.

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“Very good, Louis. Short, but pointless.”

There are a number of pointless things I’ve seen this week. SJ sent me the first.


We are both in agreement that it’s quite hideous. It says nothing, except that the First Doctor was bristly and the Tenth Doctor was arrogant and obnoxious. It’s badly composed – one of those filtered Photoshop jobs designed to look cartoon-like, but the font placement is a disaster. I’m at a loss as to why you’d come up with this sort of thing. If you’re reading this, and you happen to have created it, perhaps you could get in touch to let me know what the hell you thought you were trying to achieve. And then you can stay in during morning break WHILE YOU THINK ABOUT WHAT YOU DID.

(Update: Gareth has pointed out the lack of commas. “Hartnell is presumably saying ‘And what, may I ask, are you?’, but he seems to be asking what he’s allowed to ask.”)

SJ has also been delving into the depths of fan conspiracy, and found proof that certain people shouldn’t be allowed to use the internet.


Look, you’re entitled to your opinion, but you’re wrong. I suggest you go and argue with this person, who has written TWO AND A HALF THOUSAND WORDS on why Missy is actually the Rani. It has bullet points and everything. I didn’t get to part two. I didn’t even notice there was a part two at first, because by the time I reached the end of part one my brain was basically soup. The funny thing is I produce the God Is In The Detail posts in other to satirise these things, but I sometimes wonder why I bother, seeing as they do such a great job of satirising themselves, whether they mean to or not.

On an apparently unrelated note, I’ve also been reading about Twitter pranks directed towards famous people. The NME (among others) reports that Billy Ray Cyrus was sent a photo of Jimmy Savile, with requests for a message for his “grandad”. Cyrus, who presumably had no knowledge of Savile or what he had done, then retweeted the message, causing much hilarity amongst the snooty left.

Meanwhile, Donald Trump also fell victim, after getting this:

I can sympathise with Trump, who presumably retweeted for one of the following reasons:

– He didn’t know who the Wests were (for which I’d forgive him; he’s American)

– He didn’t know what they looked like (for which I’d also forgive him; they’re not exactly distinctive)

– Neither of the above applied, but he thought “Oh, these two look vaguely like a couple of serial killers from twenty years ago, but that’s probably just a coincidence”.

“I don’t really see the point of those kinds of tricks,” said Gareth. “It’s the sort of humour that Chris Morris used occasionally, tricking celebrities who were either too old to know the current slang or not from the right country. E.g., he was talking to Claire Rayner, asking her whether she would beat off muggers who tried to attack her.  She said yes.  He said “so, you would beat them off”.  She said yes.  Much mirth.  Utterly dull.”

Susanna Reid, of course, fell victim to just that quite recently – entirely of her own volition – when this happened:


Reid isn’t off the hook, because (forgive the expression) she’s young enough to know better. Of course, it’s possible she knew exactly what she was doing, and the whole thing was a hit-grabbing publicity stunt. I genuinely can’t tell these days. I’m mystified as to why, because all it proves is that she doesn’t know her slang, but heaven knows they could use a ratings boost.

Anyway, I follow Gareth Roberts on Twitter, and the other night sent him this:

He got the joke, although I can’t help feeling he’d be less amused had he read my review of ‘The Caretaker’…

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Dream car

This evening, I am procrastinating. Can you tell?

I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.

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